Category Archives: Dating

“Promposals:” A Good Thing or Not?

It’s that time of year again: Prom season!

Some things haven’t changed throughout the decades, like mothers and daughters going shopping for the perfect dress and shoes. Of course, gone are the flouncy princess dresses of yore. I still remember my purple silk-organza gown, with its ruffled, off-the-shoulder neckline, fondly. It looked perfect with my Eighties-style big hair, I swear! Sadly, all the pictures are at my mom’s, so I can’t share.

Other things have changed a lot, most notably the latest trend: the Promposal. Teen boys (for the most part) across the nation nervously planning some way to wow their prospective dates with an Instagram or YouTube-worthy plan.

I can’t decide whether or not I think these Promposals are a good or bad thing.

They range from the sweet:

 

To the touching/tear-jerker:

 

To the painfully awkward:

 

My initial response to the hoopla is that it is a result of the reality-TV / selfie-obsessed generation that’s been trained to believe every second of every day needs to be larger-than-life and recorded for posterity. That side of this craze isn’t healthy. Not only does it create a tremendous amount of pressure on kids to come up with bigger and better ideas, but it’s also proven that chronic social media focus is actually causing depression…but that’s a topic for another post.

On the other hand, and particularly when watching some of the cuter Promposals that go well, I have to admit that I love watching creative kids who are willing to make themselves vulnerable in such a public way. There’s something courageous and inspiring about it.

And maybe these bigger milestones deserve to be recorded. Honestly, I can’t remember how my boyfriend asked me to Prom. We’d been dating all year, so it’s possible he never formally asked at all. We just assumed we’d be going!

So what’s your take on the Promposal: yay or nay?

XOXO-Jamie

 

Advice for the Lovelorn

A good friend and I were recently discussing her college-aged daughter’s first experience with an on-and-off again relationship where the guy was also pressuring her about sex. Our conversation made me think about the advice I will give my own daughter once she is older and becomes more embroiled in romantic relationships.22071164_s

As someone who learned a lot about love from making bad decisions, I’d love to spare others those hard lessons by sharing the wisdom I’ve acquired throughout the years:

DON’T make excuses for him.  If he’s letting you down and/or unable to commit for any reason, it’s because he doesn’t care enough.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care at all, but you should only give you heart to someone who is equally interested (otherwise you risk continual heartache and increasing insecurity during the relationship).

DON’T think you can change his feelings.  Just as some boy who’s pining away for you can’t make you like him more because of how much he likes you or tries to please you, you can’t make someone like you more.  If you’ve dated a while, the feeling is there or it’s not.  It’s better to walk away than settle for less than you deserve. If he misses you, he’ll come looking, and if that happens, make him earn your trust back.

DO think about the advice you’d give a friend if she were in your shoes.  When your heart is engaged, you cannot be objective.  Period.  Even when you think you are and can, it is impossible.  But if you consider how you would view your relationship dynamic if it was your BFF’s and she was asking your advice, it will help you keep a better perspective, and keep you from making poor choices and being taken advantage of or taken for granted.

Protect yourself.  This applies to your emotional and physical well-being.  When you become vulnerable to someone, they have the power to hurt your heart.  When you give yourself physically, you up the stakes (even when you think you are having fun and can handle it).  Rejection after sex and emotional vulnerability is difficult for everyone to handle, and if it happens more than once, it will slowly eat away at your self-esteem.  Remember, most relationships ultimately fail, so make sure when you decide to give your heart and soul and body, you and he both think it is something special.  That way, even if it ends, you won’t feel remorse.

And it almost goes without saying: condoms are critical in the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. I’ve heard too many stories of people in committed relationships who’ve been burned when their partner cheats and they end up paying the price with a lifelong disease.

Be Patient. Remember you are beautiful and talented and kind, and there will be someone who recognizes and adores your uniqueness.  Don’t get hung up on the toads along the way.  Life is too short and youth is fleeting.  Pursue your own dreams with passion, and the rest will follow.

Upon reflection, I think this advice is applicable to friendships as well. So tell me, do you agree with my advice? Have anything else to share with others?

XO-Jamie

Photo credit:  Copyright: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/profile_nyul’>nyul / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Five Great Fall Date Ideas

Most New Englanders love September and October, thanks to dry, crisp weather and gorgeous foliage.  But even if you live in the Deep South or on the West Coast, there are plenty of fun fall date ideas to help you keep romance alive (or jumpstart a new relationship).

When devising this list of ideas, I tried to find something for everyone, from the hearty outdoorsy couples, to the sports fanatics, to those who prefer something on the quiet side.  So, for better or worse, here is my list of suggestions:

Leaf Peeping:

Whether you take a hike or a bike ride, find a local nature reserve, pack a backpack with a bottle of wine, some good bread and cheeses, and head outdoors.  Nothing stirs the senses more than combining nature’s beauty with exercise.  Wine helps set a mood, too!  Once your blood is pumping, who knows what might happen?

Tailgate:

Football season is upon us.  Instead of watching from the family room with your man (and his messy, loud friends), surprise your guy with a pair of tickets.  Better yet, coordinate with some of your friends and head to a game.  Get there early and set up a tailgate.  I’m not talking about a college tailgate.  I’m thinking upscale.  Steaks and chicken instead of burgers and dogs.  Wine instead of beer.  Let the change of scenery and energy of the crowd rev you up.  If your team wins, go home and celebrate with victory sex.  If it loses, consolation sex.  Either way, your night ends on a high note!

Camping/Bonfire:6213902_s

What inspires snuggling more than sitting beside an outdoor fire on a chilly night?  Whether you buy a fire pit for your backyard, or break out the old camping gear and spend an entire night under a canopy of trees, this outdoor activity is romantic, especially if you are alone (no kids or other couples).  My husband and I camped all over West Virginia and Pennsylvania when we dated.  Some of my fondest memories are from those trips.  Check out ReserveAmerica, a directory and reservation system for campsites across the nation.

A Vineyard Visit:

Maybe you aren’t into the great outdoors, but perhaps you do like a good bottle of wine and a nice meal.  Jump on Google and I’m sure you’ll find a vineyard or winery within an hour of your home.  In fact, here is a directory to help you get started!  Plan a date around a wine tasting event, or just make dinner reservations (some vineyards have restaurants within the facility).  You’ll enjoy time to talk along the way, and probably see some spectacular views once you arrive at the property.  Buy a bottle of your favorite local wine as a memento and open it later in the year to relive the experience.

Fall Fairs:

Like good, old-fashioned fun, like caramel apples, hayrides, and corn mazes?  Check your local paper for the fall fairs in your area, grab a blanket and comfortable shoes, and go remember how it felt to be a kid.  Being young at heart is another way to revive romance.  Give it a try.

Those are my ideas.  Care to share one of your own with us?

xo-Jamie

photo credit: designpics/123RF.com