Tag Archives: Inspiration

Losing Control vs. Letting Go

I confess, I like to control my environment. In fact, one of my favorite things about writing is that I can dictate every single aspect of my characters and their lives. If only my children and husband would give me that same power!

Since my 50th birthday this past fall, however, I’ve begun to accept that I can’t actually dominate anything but my own thoughts and actions, and that attempting to extend that reach is exhausting. I finally see the difference between losing control and letting go. I can’t exactly “lose control” over things I never truly governed in the first place, right? Meanwhile, “letting go” means having faith that, even without my interference, things will eventually work out for those I love.

It’s not easy. I’m not always gracious about it, either. It’s hard to bite my tongue. Sometimes things like “Try it this way” slip out. Why? you ask. Well, in my mind, I’m deeply invested in the people I love, and trying to help is one way of showing my love and commitment. But I understand that my habit can be annoying—or worse, insulting—to others. In other words, it has the opposite effect of my intentions. Thus the newfound attempt to “roll with it.”

A potential bonus of my new attitude is that a more flexible approach should also help me remain happy in my career. The publishing industry is in constant flux, which is difficult for someone with my preference for structure. And unlike my former legal career, where you could rely on hard work to achieve certain results, in publishing, you can work extremely hard and still not get to where you are trying to go. Opportunity, luck, and subjectivity play important roles in this profession, none of which are in my control. So, like the beloved Dory advises, I “just keep swimming.”

I assume some of you are like me (controlling) and others are more relaxed. I invite those who fall into the latter category to offer me some advice on how to chill out!

xo-Jamie

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Goodbye, 2016

By most standards, 2016 has been a turbulent, surprising, somewhat devastating year.

We’ve lost some amazing celebrities, the most notable being singers like George Michael, Prince, and David Bowie, actors like Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, and Carrie Fisher, director Gary Marshall, former First Lady Nancy Reagan, journalists Gwen Ifill and Morley Safer, Janet Reno, Justice Scalia, Arnold Palmer, author Harper Lee, songwriter Leonard Cohen, astronaut John Glenn, pop icon Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Fidel Castro.

We’ve lived through the ugliest political campaign I’ve witnessed in my lifetime, and sadly we’re still seeing a rise in populist sentiment (eg., Brexit and other elections across Europe). Cop killers and killings have sparked protests and resentment nationwide. Nearly 91 people per day are dying of opiod overdoses in the U.S. (according to the CDC). Zika is spreading (not only through mosquitoes, but also through sexual contact), and no one knows how long that virus will last in one’s system or how devastating the ultimate consequences will be. On the somewhat lighter side of bad news, Brangelina split! And Kim Kardashian lost millions in a weird jewelry heist.

Scary, sad times, most say. But as we head into 2017, let’s remember some of the positive things that occurred in 2016.

Need examples? Well, the economy has improved. Stock markets have hit new highs, and unemployment is at its lowest rate in nine years. Harriet Tubman will be on new $20 bills. The Cubs won the World Series for the first time in more than a century. And U.S. carbon emissions are at the lowest levels since 1991. Those are just a few examples of good news that seems to get buried beneath the bad.

It’s so very easy to get caught up in negativity when it’s trumpeted on every major media outlet, and on social media. People love to be heard, and for some reason, most like to spread doom and gloom.

If we want a better world, maybe the place to start is with a resolution to look for, share, and celebrate good news (big and small)! If we collectively contribute positive messages and share “feel good” stories and wins, maybe a groundswell of goodwill will slowly erode fear and hate and lay the foundation for change for the better.

That’s my wish (and goal) for 2017. Are you on board?

xo-Jamie

Holiday Shopping vs. Holiday Spirit

You’ve heard it all before, right? Complaints about retailers who put up Christmas decorations by Halloween, the commercialization of a religious holiday, and the stress and exhaustion (and emptied checkbook) caused by hunting down “the perfect” holiday gifts.

I’m not sure how you handle it all, but I’ve tried different techniques to cope with the madness that is Christmas in America.

This is the time of year I inventory all the coats, boots, clothes, toys, and other gently used items in the house that would better benefit others in need. Not only is it freeing to purge the closets and drawers, but also it feels good to know that these donations will end up helping others less fortunate than me.

Another thing I’ve done in the past is ask my family not to send me gifts, but to take whatever money they might’ve spent on me and donate it to a charity (if they pick a charity of my choice, I match it). One year I was able to buy two new kitchen appliances for a shelter for abused women thanks to my family’s cooperation. I didn’t get a single gift, but it might be one of my favorite Christmases ever.

Thirdly, the older I get, the more I realize that the truly memorable things in my life revolve around things I’ve done rather than things I’ve owned. Therefore, now that my kids are teens, we’ve switched from buying “stuff” to buying a meaningful experience (a camp or lesson). Hopefully, later in life, they’ll appreciate that idea more than they do right now.

Finally, this year I also want my kids generate an idea of their own that is in the true spirit of giving (as opposed to “buying”). That reminds me, I need to check in with them to see if they’ve come up with something.

Care to share any special traditions you and your family have that showcase the real meaning of this holiday season?

xo–Jamie

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It’s all in how you choose to view it

November didn’t turn out anything like I’d planned. I thought we’d have our first female President–but I was wrong. I thought I’d conquer National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and get 50,000 new words written in my current work in progress–but I was wrong. I thought I’d start a diet and lose at least five pounds–yep, wrong again.

It’s December now. Time to move on and set new goals. To do that, I need to let go of the guilt and frustration about those mistakes and failures in November. The best way I know how to do that is to look for the silver linings.

img_8595For example, maybe our country’s first female President will end up being someone universally admired instead of someone riddled with suspicion and questionable ethics. That’d be better, right? And while I wasn’t able to dedicate myself to NaNoWriMo and the new book, my editor’s notes on my last submission are making that book much stronger. That’s great, too!  Now, admittedly, it’s tough to see the silver lining in my diet failure, except I did totally enjoy the Bethel Bakery cake my mom got for my daughter over the Thanksgiving break! I rarely get that treat now that we’ve moved from Pittsburgh to Connecticut.

When I was younger, I would dwell on things that troubled me, even things beyond my control. Age has taught me what a monumental waste of time that behavior can be. Now I try to make myself look at things with a fresh perspective. Once I’ve found something positive within each of the otherwise upsetting events, they don’t seem so awful. In fact, most of the time, readjusting my attitude about an outcome opens up new and brighter possibilities.

Do you dwell on your mistakes, or do you move onward and upward?

P.S. I will start that diet…after the holidays.

xo-Jamie

 

 

 

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Fired Up for Fall

Game of Thrones fans may get excited when they hear “Winter is coming,” but I’m bouncing on my toes because autumn is coming! There’s so much to look forward to, how could I not?

46425130 - autumn landscape

46425130 – autumn landscape

Sweater Weather: I’ll admit, I’ve been craving a drop in temperature and the pop of golds and reds in the sea of green outside my window. Neither has quite happened yet, but it’s coming. I can feel it.

Structure: I also love the return to structure that fall imposes. School is back in session, so each day is parsed into segments of compromised of school start and end times, sports practices, lessons, and tutors. Structure makes it easier to be productive (at least, it does for me), so I’m optimistic about what I’ll accomplish this last quarter of 2016.

My Birthday: It seems like my family and friends have been celebrating this for weeks now, but this weekend I turn 50. Yep, a half-century and counting, people. Someone told me that’s roughly 18,200 days on the planet. That’s a lot of days. I’ve made the most of my time on the planet so far, but there’s still much to do, so I don’t want to waste the next 18,000 days (if I’m lucky).worth-the-risk-cover

New Release: Although excited to share my upcoming release, Worth the Risk, it’s also a little bittersweet. I’ve loved the St. James family since I conceived of David, and it’s not easy to close the door on them. I hope, however, that series’ fans will enjoy the way everything is wrapped up for Jackson and his siblings.

Holidays: Two of my favorites, Halloween and Thanksgiving, are on the horizon. I used to love coming up with imaginative costumes when I was younger, but now I just love the fistfuls of chocolate at my fingertips! As for Thanksgiving, it’s one of two times per year that I get to see my entire extended family, so that’s always something to look forward to.

Food: I’ve eaten enough spinach and kale these past three months, so I’m eager to sink my teeth into some fall favorites: hearty soups, roast chicken and gravy, and pumpkin pie. Add a warm fire and some new television shows, and I’m one happy camper.

What are you looking forward to this fall?

XO-Jamie

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